


batmanization 101

by black_queen (hotch_fan)



Series: Eccentric Superhero Boyfriends [2]
Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: ... kind of, Banter, Bruce is amusedly annoyed by the whole thing, Canon - Movie, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Flirting, Humor, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing, Teasing, all is part of Tony's schemes to get sex with the Bat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 13:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/913796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotch_fan/pseuds/black_queen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There's this very fascinating and educational process--which consists of several phases by the way--where you go all tall, dark and dangerous and Bat-like even without the Batsuit on."</p>
            </blockquote>





	batmanization 101

Tony stepped slowly into the Batcave, as he 'creatively' liked to call the Bat's lair much to Bruce's annoyance. And that seriously was not why he did it. _Not at all._  
  
He found Bruce sitting in front of the Batcomputer, which was not really surprising anymore, but still kind of annoying since Tony like a good boyfri ... Like the nice gentleman he was had taken the time out of his very busy schedule to come all the way from Malibu leaving an unhappy and frustrated Pepper behind, to come to Gotham, out of all the sunny, beautiful places he could have chosen.  
  
Bruce didn't grant him the courtesy of turning around to greet him- Or most likely glare and complain, really. Only the smallest tensing of shoulders let Tony know his arrival had not been totally unnoticed.  
  
Tony shook his head, walking toward Bruce. This was so _not_ cool at all. They didn't see each other as often as he would have liked--between the heroic stuff and their respective companies--and he hadn't come all the way here only to be left all alone in the bedroom while Bruce was down here playing. They should be both upstairs, doing naughty and fun stuff for as long as they could.  
  
And they would be if Tony had anything to say about it. And he did. He had tons and tons to say.  
  
"Hey, Bats! What are you doing here all alone?"  
  
Tony came to stand at Bruce's side, looking over the screens without really paying attention to what any of them showed.  
  
"I told you to stop calling me that," Bruce growled, eyes not even flickering toward Tony and his fingers tapping steadily over the keyboard.  
  
Hmm, Tony was going to have to do some serious work here.  
  
Right now, his chances of dragging Bruce away from here _and_ still get laid were 10 out of 100. Wrongful in, oh, so many ways, but endearing none the least. With so many women and _men_ throwing themselves at him everywhere he went, Tony kind of liked the idea of having to do some work to get Bruce in bed sometimes. Or the floor. Anywhere, really. The important thing was that they were both naked and sweaty at the end.  
  
Tony leaned against the desk casually, facing Bruce as much as he could in that position.  
  
"Yeah, well, it feels weird to call you any other way when you're on phase one of Batmanization."  
  
And, guess what? Tony's chances had gone from 10 to 20 because Bruce had shifted his precious attention away from whatever it was he had been working on, a dark eyebrow arched.  
  
" _Batmanization_?" He echoed.  
  
Tony suppressed a smirk. Oh! How he loved to _play_ with the Bat.  
  
"Please! Don't tell me dear Alfie hasn't told you all about it by now."  
  
Bruce's fingers hovered over the keyboard, but Tony didn't pay much attention to the movement. If Bruce was working on something truly important he would have kicked Tony out already instead of playing along. Besides, Tony was highly confident his plan was going to work. It was a pretty damn good plan.  
  
"So, anyway. There's this very fascinating and educational process--which consists of several phases by the way--where you go all tall, dark and dangerous and Bat-like even without the Batsuit on."  
  
The slight tilt of Bruce's head and the blink-and-you-miss-it twitch of his lips made the previous digit rise to a 30 and Tony bit back a triumphant smirk yet again.  
  
Bruce was still watching him, clearly waiting for further clarification on that answer and Tony obliged.  
  
"Alright. I shall fulfill my civic duty and enlighten you on such unique and magnificent process, Brucie-bear."  
  
Leaning further against the desk, Tony pondered the idea of start getting rid of his clothes already because there was just _no way_ he wasn't getting laid. Damn-fucking-right he was. Tony ran a hand over his dark hair and in the end dismissed the idea. Getting naked would without a doubt speed up the process, but it would also mess up his awesome, awesome plan. And he was rather in love with this awesome, awesome plan. So, nope; the longest way it was.  
  
"Now, let's see. The first phase is when you start getting all gloomy and quiet." Tony waved off Bruce's protests before he could even voice any of them. "I know, I know. You're not Mr. Fun and Giggles exactly, but this is a notch up from your usual brooding act. And before you say anything," Tony added after a moment. "I know this phase isn't exactly exciting, but it is a process, cupcake."  
  
Bruce rolled his eyes at Tony's almost condescending tone, but his curiosity got the better of him and he asked, "Alright, what's the second phase then?"  
  
... And his captivated audience gave him a 40. Hell, yeah.  
  
"Oh, you should know. I just get you out of it." A flicker of irritation crossed Bruce's face. "Fine. You're not fun, Brucie-bear."  
  
Bruce narrowed his eyes, but the familiar sign of annoyance at the nickname lost most of its effect when Bruce turned his chair further, knees brushing against Tony's slightly.  
  
Yep. It was definitely a 50 now.  
  
"Phase two is when you're doing boring Bat-related stuff; Researches, information gathering and stuff like that. Which, by the way, could be made so much easier if you just let me install..." Tony trailed off, watching Bruce press his lips together.  
  
Tony's offer to upgrade the Bat's tech and Bruce's refusal was already an old argument and, one that Tony enjoyed greatly. He had no trouble keeping up with Bruce's dry remarks or annoyed replies most of the time, but right now there were other more _important_ things that need his full attention. And he didn't want to risk annoying Bruce too much. At least not right now. There would be plenty of time for that later.  
  
"... Right. So, anyway. Phase two is when you get all intense; your focus entirely aimed at what you're working on. There's this very dark and mysterious air all around you. Like some kind of force field or something, with a creepy flashing neon sign saying in big, bold letters "Fuck off, Bat working" hanging in the center."  
  
Bruce arched an eyebrow, a spark of amusement flickering in his eyes. "Seeing you're still here, I guess that sign needs some _improving."_  
  
Tony offered the other man a lopsided smirk, enjoying the slow but steady rise of his way to victory. Fuck yeah, 60.  
  
"Oh, Brucie-bear, I'm _way_ above your Bat-ploys and tricks. With me being Tony Stark _and_ Iron Man, and all that jazz."  
  
Bruce snorted, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
"I should move to phase three, should't I?" Tony hummed softly to himself, head tilted to the side. "Hmm, well, phase three is when you start growling and glaring. No your patented _Bat-glare,_ or your legendary, but quite dull Bat-growl, of course, but a more moderate, public-friendly ones- Not that you use it a lot out in the real world, though. Bruce Wayne's default mode is a vapid smile and empty gaze."  
  
Bruce gave Tony an irritated look. "Don't you have anything better to do? Other than watch my every move only to come up with some absurd "theory"".  
  
"Of course I do, cupcake. You should just ask Pepper about it. But this is a lot funnier. And hotter too," Tony added, wiggling his eyebrows.  
  
Bruce crossed his arms more tightly. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
Tony shrugged with a grin. Because guess what? 70.  
  
"Only that it's kind of hot to see you act all dangerous and Bat-like without your animal themed vigilante body armor getting in the way. Oh, and let's not forget the weird growl thing." Tony's eyebrows were knitted together. "Do you have _any_ idea of the kind of damage you are doing to your vocal cords every time you go out to play? _Honestly,_ cupcake, there's no reason why you should keep straining your voice that way. I bet we can come up with some pretty damn good piece of technology to do the growly thing for you."  
  
Bruce gave Tony a pointed look. "We're not having this conversation again, Tony. I've told you before I'm not going to let you change _anything."_  
  
Riiiight. He wasn't supposed to bring that up right now. Bruce could be very touchy-feely when it came to anything Bat-related sometimes. Time to turn things around and get this show on the road.  
  
"Okay, fine. We're going to leave that _delightful_ conversation aside. At least for now," Tony added after a moment, not ready to give up on this issue just yet.  
  
Bruce didn't say anything. That was the kind of answer he had been expecting, really. It was too much to ask for Tony to just drop this, it seemed.  
  
"Besides, is not like I don't like the Bat, you know. The whole thing it's a different and _kinkier_ kind of hot. Which it's great, really. Like having sex with two different people," Tony seemed to ponder that for a moment. "Or more like three, if you count your other 'public persona'".  
  
Tony shrugged when Bruce rolled his eyes. "Could be fun."  
  
Bruce watched Tony for a moment before shaking his head, a slightly amused and exasperated expression crossing his face.  
  
80 now and Tony was starting to get ready for the great ending.  
  
"Great! Now that my point has been made, can we please go to more important things?" Tony whined, starting to feel a bit impatient.  
  
"And what would those things be, exactly?" Bruce inquired sardonically, an eyebrow arched.  
  
"Well, off the top my head, I can think of a couple of things. Like, I don't know. Us. _Naked_. Right here. With you bend over this desk while I fuck you senseless. My hand wrapped around your cock, pumping and squeezing until you come all over my hand. Or maybe my mouth. I'm very much _amenable_ about this, Brucie-bear."  
  
Bruce shifted in his chair slightly, quite likely trying to hide or get his arousal under control. Tony grinned cheekily, his dark brown eyes twinkling. That had been nothing really, so his words wouldn't have turned Bruce on too much; just enough to be uncomfortable. Like Tony had planned.  
  
It was definitely a 90 now. Yep, it was.  
  
Forcing his eyes to meet Tony's Bruce cleared his throat, careful to keep his voice steady. "Alfred could come down here any minute."  
  
Tony smirked, having foreseen that excuse miles and miles away. "Don't worry, I took care of that. He wouldn't be coming because he's not even in the Manor right now."  
  
Bruce blinked at him, arousal forgotten for the time being. "Did you _chase_ Alfred away?"  
  
"Of course not, cupcake. Though I _might_ have mentioned something about cave sex and maybe, just maybe about Kevlar fetish. That’s when he remembered he had to be somewhere else."  
  
It was a lie and they both knew it.  
  
There was something about Alfred Pennyworth that made everyone stay on their best behavior while around him. _Even Tony._ Sadly, Tony's best behavior wasn't what anyone would call good to begin with.  
  
"Now, if that's your only objection," Tony pulled away from the desk, dropping to his knees in front of Bruce.  
  
Bruce let out a shaking breath when he felt Tony's fingers slowly work his pants open. "There's more, but I doubt you're going to hear them."  
  
Tony's fingers stopped as he pulled back to look Bruce in the face, a dark eyebrow arched. "I can stop this while you give me your list of objections, sweet cheeks."  
  
"Don't you dare," Bruce growled, burying his fingers in Tony's dark hair and pulling it softly.  
  
Tony grinned smugly, hearing Bruce's soft groan as his hand reached down to stroke Bruce's erection through the thin fabric of his boxers. He just loved when Bruce made noise. Loved the fact he could literally reduce this amazing man to guttural noises.  
  
And, not that it mattered anymore, really, but Tony's damn good plan had been an irrevocable triumph, and they were way above 100 now. Way, way above.  
  
It had been pretty fun too.  
  
And as soon as this was over--which would take a long while because Bruce really owed him this time--Tony would start planning his next scheme.  
  
Maybe he'll even get to go to bed with the Bat next time.  
  
_Game on._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm absolutely unable to write _good_ sex scenes. Like really, this is quite likely the most explicit you'll ever read from me, so I'm afraid you'll have to imagine what happens next. Sorry!
> 
> Also, this is unbetaed and I'm not a native speaker so feel free to point out any mistake you find. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it and please let me know what you think!


End file.
